In All the Ways I've Loved You
by susieboo
Summary: Nina reflects on all the ways she's loved Inej Ghafa. Post-canon, oneshot.


At first, Nina had loved her the way she loved all beautiful women.

Nina had known many beautiful women, and had, in some way, loved each and every last one of them. Even the ones she despised as people, she loved as beautiful women. It was hard not to. It would be like not loving a work of art.

And that's what Inej was; a work of art.

Nina was the first to admit that this sort of love was, in a word, superficial. The sort that could easily be molded into something else entirely, under the right circumstances. Or be taken away entirely.

But her initial love for Inej had not done that.

Even now, Nina could remember their first conversation, after Kaz introduced them in his usual, brisk manner.

"You're the famous Wraith," Nina had said. "Charmed." And she was.

"And you're the Grisha," Inej had replied.

"Not _the_ Grisha. Just _a_ Grisha. I'm hardly the only one residing in the Barrel."

"But you're the one Kaz is concerned with."

Nina let out a laugh. "Kaz Brekker, concerned with me. Concerned with anyone! It must be patented miracle."

Inej had laughed, too, and Nina's love - her admittedly shallow, yet earnest love - grew.

* * *

Then, she'd loved Inej as a friend.

Oh, saints, had she loved her as a friend. In a city where allies were rare and genuine friendship was even rarer, Inej had been an unexpected blessing. One that Nina didn't always feel like she deserved.

In her own mind, Nina was a traitor to the man she loved, and a criminal. To Inej, she was a source of laughter and joy in terrible situations.

It was _so_ nice to be someone's light. And Nina was happy to be a small break from all the darkness of Ketterdam. Especially if it was for Inej.

Inej's laughter was always catching, making its way from Inej's lips and finding itself in Nina's throat. Being Inej's friend made her feel like a weight had been lifted off her shoulders. Even if Inej didn't know the full extent of her past - of what she'd done to Matthias - it didn't matter, or at least, it didn't matter all the time. If she was with Inej, she could not think about all that for a little while, if only because they had to think about whatever ridiculous thing Kaz wanted.

The two worked wonderfully together, and every time Inej backed Nina up in an argument, helped her out during a heist, or made a sly remark to make her laugh, Nina loved her a little more.

A friendship born of distraction and illegal activities - perhaps the most organic start, but the end result was real.

* * *

After Matthias had passed away in her arms, Nina had loved Inej as... well, she didn't know what she'd loved her as.

It had been two years since Matthias died, and Nina loved him still. She probably always would. It felt like a piece of her had died with him.

In a similar vein, she was sure Inej would always love Kaz, even if they were never able to be truly together. Nina didn't say so, for fear of hurting Inej's feelings, but she wasn't surprised. She knew Kaz well enough to know he wasn't all bad, he wasn't the bastard of the Barrel _all_ the time, but... some differences were too great to reconcile.

With Inej off saving the world (or at least, a few girls) on the high seas, they often spent months apart. But Nina and the Wraith always found their way back to one another. Like now.

Nina was laying on her side in the hold of Inej's ship, trying not to be seasick.

"You think you'd be used to this by now," Inej said with a laugh, upon seeing how green Nina was.

"Shut up, Wraith," Nina said. "The sea is rougher than normal tonight."

"That's good," Inej said. "No one expects an attack in the middle of a storm."

"Why not?"

"People tend to assume the world will give them one crisis at a time."

"Clearly, most people haven't worked for Kaz."

Inej chuckled, sitting next to Nina. She ran a hand up and down her back, trying to soothe her.

"If you throw up in my beautiful ship, I'll toss you out to sea," she said with faux-seriousness.

"Thanks."

Taking deep breaths to soothe her churning stomach, Nina sat up, leaning her head against Inej's shoulder. Inej gave a small smile, and didn't shove her away.

"Thank you for accompanying me," Inej said.

"Just for awhile," she reminded her softly.

"I know. But thank you, all the same."

"I should be thanking you. I swear, Inej, in a world of changes, you seem to be the only thing I can count on."

"And I always will be."

Nina's eyes lingered on her face, unable to find words. Inej didn't speak, either, allowing the two to sit in silence, but she didn't appear to notice Nina looking at her.

So she was quite surprised, letting out a gasp, when Nina pressed her lips to the corner of Inej's mouth, kissing her in a way that could not be mistaken as friendly or platonic for even a moment.

Nina pulled away, wordlessly, keeping her eyes trained on Inej.

Inej raised a hand, touching where Nina's lips had been in astonishment, her eyes almost glowing with surprise and emotions Nina couldn't quite define.

"...Well?" Nina said softly, a hand reaching for hers.

Nina's single word held a thousand questions, and Inej answered some of them - the most important ones - by leaning over and pressing her mouth to Nina's again, eyes closing. Nina's eyes shut, too, leaning into her.

It felt like she was sinking, and she hoped she'd never come back up.

* * *

Nina had never, in a thousand years, dreamed she would get to love Inej this way.

But she did. She was.

She was able to love Inej Ghafa as her wife.

It wasn't a legal marriage - no country would recognize it. But that didn't matter to them. _They_ recognized it. It was real _to them_. A quiet, whispered ceremony on the deck, fingers intertwined as the ocean wind ruffled their hair, sealing their pledge for eternal love with a kiss.

Their vows had been simple.

"I will love you, honor you, and hold you, no matter what may happen from this point on," Nina said. "Only death can separate us now."

And Inej had responded, "I will love you, in this life and the next, for the rest of my days."

If you'd asked her, three years ago, where she thought she'd end up, Nina never would've told you, "I think I'll be the wife of a pirate, hunting slavers all across the ocean."

But here she was.

Here they were.

And Nina couldn't be happier.

* * *

Inej was asleep next to Nina, and Nina was still awake, absentmindedly stroking her lover's dark hair, listening to her steady breathing.

In, out. In, out.

The Wraith was no longer simply her coworker, or even simply her wife.

Inej was her partner, through and through, in all things. Her soulmate.

Her perfect and precious prize, handpicked by the universe just for her. Inej was hers to love, and Nina didn't know which stars to thank.

So instead, she settled down on the mattress next to her, closing her eyes and murmuring into her ear:

"Good night, my love."


End file.
